Wow, 2017. Time is flying by too fast and I still feel like it was yesterday that Don died. When in reality it has been 2 years, 6 months and 2 days since my world changed. I am doing OK. I have tried dating and unfortunately I can't stop comparing the guys to Don. I am working on not doing that, however, the moral compass of today's men is so much different from when I last dated in 1995 at the age of 22! As an almost 44 year old woman, I know that I am looking for and I am not into playing games and not into 'Netflix and Chill' kind of moment. I want a kind, intelligent, loving, emotionally mature man. But, I can't seem to find one. I've joined eHarmony, so we will see where that leads. I have so many hangups that my Mother says I will be single forever, and that they be true, however, I don't want to let go of some of the things I expect out of a man that comes into my life.
I may be judging these guys that I have talked to in the last year a little too harshly and part of that is because I am scared. I am scared of falling in love. I admit it, I am. I am scared of loving someone and watching them slowly die and for me to left all alone again. It's crazy to feel this kind of fear, but it is what I feel. I am scared to date someone that was in Don's age range, because I don't want to have them die so much before me. So, I find something wrong with each one and I basically stop communicating with them. I become aloof and don't answer calls, texts, etc. I know that eventually this fear will subside and I hope it does, because I would love to find a guy that sweeps me off my feet and makes me feel special again. Just don't know how to find him and once I find him, I need to not let the fear of "what if" ruin it.
I need a hobby! Not sure what that can be. I thought about becoming a Big Sister, I miss doing the things that Audrey and I did together and becoming a Big Sister through the Big Brothers Big Sisters organization might feel the spaces in my heart that are trying to repair. I have thought about volunteering at the Ronald McDonald House too. I have lots of thoughts, just need to act on them.
In closing, I love you all and if you know a nice man that would like to take a chance on a wounded, financially stable, fun woman ... send them my way! Must have a job, place to live, car with no cracked window (inside joke!) and be financially secure as well. Also, I prefer to not have any drama! See ... that should be easy to find! HA
Peace, love and light everyone!